Oh honey, WTF?

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.



She is taking the whole Katie Price/ Jordan split-personality thing WAY too far.

Oh honey, vote NO.

It's appropriate that I've chosen Heidi Montag as the inaugral post on this website. From the quarter-inch inseams of her jailbait Heidiwood fashion line to her everyday hooker-tastic outfits, nobody brings the No's quite like Heidi does.

This morning, like so many other women, Heidi had a sartorial crisis. She couldn't decide whether to dress up as Hooker Barbie, Tranny Barbie or Business Barbie. So she went for all three:



'No' #1: Woman, do I really need to point out to you that cutoffs so short that inches of pocket are hanging out don't exactly scream 'class'? See meltdown Britney for a visual aid.


'No' #2: Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Did you seriously wake up this morning, look in your closet and think to yourself "these shoes are PERFECT for a staged photo op walk in the park with my Svengali loving boyfriend, who always totes a rifle and six pack. I don't know what you're implying."




And on to the greatest 'No' of them all,

'No' #3: The afore-mentioned Svengali/boyfriend. I refuse to believe that fun, perky, pre-surgery and pre-Spencer Heidi would EVER have posed in, nay, paid a photo agency to take this photo. She needs to tongue whatever meds he has her on, put them in his protein shake, and get the funk out of there.

As for the photo, I don't know what the funniest thing about it is. Spencer's deep-in-thought face (clearly using the smell-the-fart acting method)? His t-shirt? How she's still holding her bag despite her being relaxed enough to read, and him to crack open a cold one? Or is it Heidi's 'reading'? Seriously, that book may as well be upside down for all she's getting from it.

(imho it's a pretty tactless book for her to be reading, given how millions of regular folk are suffering while these two asshats get $65k per episode of the Hills)


[Photos from justjared.com]